I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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