The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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