The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
