You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
