my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
