i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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