you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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