one might say we're banned from that church
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
