I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
