We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm passing your future prison.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
