the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
