I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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