Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got her a Nickelback box set.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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