It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
