Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
