shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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