If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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