Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
be right there i have to get my cape
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
