stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
