Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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