"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
