I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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