I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
