You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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