My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize