It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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