Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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