drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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