please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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