Pappa wants mamma naked
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
