how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
