Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
