Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
