i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
