Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
