now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
