I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
