no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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