Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
