This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
