so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
