White coat. Heels.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
