All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
