I can't watch pbs sober anymore
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
