yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize