but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
