I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
