Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
