Someone shit on the floor
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
