i barfeds in our rink
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
