5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
