I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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