Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
