That's when you crack a 10am beer
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
