Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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