the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
