i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
