My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
