i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
