My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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