I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
