Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
