Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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