So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
