I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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